Assertiveness →
Responsiveness →
Your instinct will be to read this person as negative, disengaged, or slow. They are none of those things, and they will improve your ideas more than anyone else on the team if you let them.
Where friction shows up
You think out loud. They treat everything you say as a considered position, so your half-formed idea gets a rigorous critique and you feel attacked over something you were not even committed to. Your energy does not move them, your enthusiasm does not persuade them, and their lack of visible reaction reads to you as rejection.
What to do differently
- Say which mode you are in. "I'm just riffing here" changes their entire response.
- Send material in advance and give them time. You will get a far better answer.
- Bring evidence, not enthusiasm. They are persuaded by one solid number, not by three stories.
- Ask a direct question and then stop talking. They need the space to answer and you will fill it if you are not deliberate.
What not to do
Do not mistake quiet for agreement or for hostility. Do not oversell.
One line to remember
Flag when you are riffing, then leave room for the answer.
Keep going
See your whole team on one map
Run the free assessment with your team and get a shared grid of who works how — then use guides like this for every pairing.
Start with your team — free