Assertiveness →
Responsiveness →
Owl
Eagle
Dove
Peacock
The pairing most likely to leave you exhausted and unheard, and the one where a few small changes make the largest difference.
Where friction shows up
They move fast, decide early, and do not naturally check whether you are on board. You accommodate. Then you carry the resentment or quietly fail to execute, and neither of those is what you wanted. They are not usually trying to steamroll you. They genuinely believe silence means agreement.
What to do differently
- Say the disagreement in the first thirty seconds. Later is much harder and reads as reversal.
- Lead with the conclusion. "I don't think we should do this, here's why" gets heard. A careful buildup gets interrupted.
- Frame concerns in terms of outcomes and risk, not feelings. "This will cost us two weeks in rework" lands where "the team is uneasy" does not.
- Ask for what you need directly. They will almost always give it, and they will not guess.
What not to do
Do not agree in the room to avoid friction. Do not assume they noticed you were unhappy.
One line to remember
Object early, briefly, and in terms of cost.
Keep going
See your whole team on one map
Run the free assessment with your team and get a shared grid of who works how — then use guides like this for every pairing.
Start with your team — free